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April 15, 2014

WEATHER GIRL


Every morning I wake up, the first thing I do is check outside to see what the weather is like. For as long as I can remember I've done this, it's almost a little OCD. And I'm actually pretty good at predicting what the day will bring, it's a gift ;-)

Since my diagnosis six years ago, I've learnt that research has proven that the weather can have a huge impact on people with Bipolar Disorder, especially seasonal changes which explains my recent bouts of headaches and more recently my emotional instability the last few days.

The weather hasn't been particularly great of late, it's starting to get colder with bouts of rain.

Full moons are another interesting time for me, they can bring on hypomania or mixed episodes (it's a full moon tonight).

So combining seasonal changes, weather changes and a Full Moon and it's crazy times at my place at the moment.

Even though I know these things, on top of the medication, doctor's appointments and all the other things I need to manage and be aware of, I don't necessarily keep track of Full Moon dates etc... it's a handful as it is to keep track of everything to stay sane lol.

On Saturday, the weather was particularly gloomy and from waking up I knew it was going to rain.

I was given some complimentary tickets to attend the fabulous new show at Jupiters Casino on Saturday night and I was so excited as I hadn't been out in a while. Even though my moods have been stable for a while of late, apart from my headaches I was unusually agitated on Saturday.


Everything was bugging me, from small things about the house to big things about my life and my future (typical Bipolar symptoms - which at the time I didn't pick up). Driving to the Casino, I snapped and started crying, about nothing in particular but then escalated to about everything. My partner suggested we not go to the show and just take a walk on the beach, knowing that would calm me down. But I really wanted to go to the Show.

Wiping away the tears, and pushing past the agitation we went to the Show, which was great, entertaining and fun. Heading home, I was still agitated and could feel the storm brewing. Full of confusion, frustration, anger - just a ball of emotion that comes from nowhere and means nothing and everything.

Earrings - Hunter's Moon, Clutch - Typo Shop, Heels - Kmart
After arriving home and all the tears and feeling so exhausted, I slept like a baby.

Sunday, I woke up and peeked out the window and saw again another gloomy day. We spent some time on our home together which was great and I managed to get through the day without any major incidents.

Monday I headed off the my fabulous Psychiatrist Dr. B who is amazing and very well respected in his field. I've been seeing him for over 3 years now (I see him weekly). The great thing about Dr. B is he is able to help me work through what is my illness and what is ME. He helps me manage my condition, teaches me coping strategies, monitors my medications and of course general mental health checks.

When you have a disorder that affects your emotions and moods that obviously impacts on your behaviour and personality, you naturally go through phases where you start to question who you are. What is you, and what is your disorder. It's a very scary thing. 

So to have a professional who can decipher all the crap you deal with on daily/weekly basis and let you know you're not actually crazy, is a wonderful thing!

People spend thousands and thousands of dollars on trainers to look after their bodies and get them in shape, but the most important organ in your body is the brain. Without it, nothing works. I'm choosing to focus on getting that sorted knowing it's a bit askew.

So...I told him everything that I've been feeling and experiencing over the past 2 weeks and he said very simply. Weather, season change Missy. No need to stress, lets check your meds, make sure you take your time out. Keep it simple and don't be so hard on yourself. 

Obviously it wasn't that simple lol. I was there for an hour, but that was the general gist. The sun (Vitamin D) plays a huge part in keeping my moods stable, and with the temperature drop and atmospheric change, the full moon - all these things. That's why all of a sudden, these small problems that seem so HUGE to me made me freak out and lose myself. Looking back over past seasons, the same thing happened.

I walked out feeling great, it wasn't me, it was the Bipolar. Knowing you're not crazy is a great thing. When you don't have control over your mind it's horrible. You have no idea. Today, i'm not crazy. I'ts time to celebrate!


So for those of you that think all "we" have to do is take a pill and we'll be fine - HA - think again. 

My new blog is in the process of being designed, with a new style, name and concept. It will come with fresh new posts and a fresh new look. I'm very excited about it and everything that is coming my way. I hope that you will all follow me on my new journey of educating about life with a mental illness and reducing the stigma.

Missy x

April 4, 2014

THE LIFE OF ME


Today is the first day this week that I haven't had a headache. Sadly, these can be common, although it hasn't happened in a while luckily, but when it does, there isn't much I can do.

From the moment I woke up, if I was able to get some form of sleep, it's there, a dull throbbing that remained all day. No pain killer can numb it. Going for a walk seemed to help but the heat and sun made it worse. It's like a torture no-one deserves. 

Any chance of doing chores or the things I love go out the window. Even thinking is difficult which when you continually have racing thoughts is like a nightmare. My jaw is tight from clenching my teeth which of course made it worse, it's a vicious circle. 

Each morning I open my eyes and hope, please be gone, please be gone.

Four days this went on.... It's been so frustrating and I've felt so helpless.

Since my arrival back from NZ, I've felt a fresh focus, with the rebranding of my blog in process (yes, soon you will see a new look blog and approach) and some amazing opportunities and projects that i'm working on, I'm excited to anxious to get things happening so be practically couch ridden and in pain and unable to do anything has left me feeling weak.


This is what I have to live with, no matter how much I have control of my condition, it will always come in with a little SCREW YOU every so often. 

And then I think, headaches happen to everyone and for a minute I feel "normal" and that's a good thing.


March 28, 2014

WELLINGTON TRAVEL JOURNEY - DAY 5

As you can imagine, there isn't a great deal to do at a Military Camp when you're a guest.
But I did get to check out this big beast which rolled on into the driveway with the guys 
from the Dog Handlers Unit to set up some tents for the Birthday party as a massive storm was expected that night... Apparently, although judging from the sky you wouldn't think

The Tee i'm wearing is a bargain I picked up from an Op shop but I fell in love with the paint splatter and howling wolf and the fact it was only $3.50!

One of the things I miss about NZ, apart from the landscape, are the small things like the delicious dairy products and of course L & P (Lemon & Paeroa) which is a lemonish tasting fizzy drink so today I got me some and it was sooooo good lol.







March 27, 2014

WELLINGTON TRAVEL JOURNAL - DAY 4

Mid week, we headed up to Linton Military Camp near Palmerston North, where the birthday girl resides which was an 1.5hr drive from Paraparaumu Beach. Along the way we stopped at this cute little Petting Zoo. The place was just about to close up but I was lucky enough to be able to feed the little cutie below.

I'd been feeling a little melancholy and hadn't been sleeping well so the fresh air, nature and animals really perked me up.

This jumper I picked up from a pop up store in Oasis Shopping Centre along with a Led Zeppelin one. They're old faves, perfect for those warmer NZ days. 

Because of the travelling and not knowing where I would be stopping along the way, I wore my rouched leggings from Forcast and sandals from KMart.

This is Steve, Security at the entrance of Linton Camp - such a gentleman.





March 13, 2014

WELLINGTON TRAVEL JOURNAL - DAY 3

Another beautiful day with clear blue skies at Paraparumu Beach and I was so excited to catch sight of a Bumblebee, one of my favourite flying cuties from here.

Today I wore my new favourite outfit bought entirely from KMart. The denim soft trackies are super comfortable and can be worn day or night. And the camo top is actually long enough to be worn as a dress. Winning!

Tomorrow I head up to Linton Military Camp for a few days for the birthday celebrations and to catch up with the rest of the family.


March 12, 2014

WELLINGTON TRAVEL JOURNAL - DAY 2

The main reason for this trip to New Zealand is to celebrate my cousin's 30th Birthday. I don't have a huge family but it is a very "international" family in the fact that the majority of my life, my relatives (ie cousins/aunty etc...) have been separated by large bodies of water. 

In the Birthday girl's case, her and her brother grew up in Belgium so we didn't get to spend much time together, but we are as close as if we grew up in the same town.

As I mentioned in my previous blog post the last time I was here, was for my Grandmother's funeral. So it was quite emotional to drive through the areas where all our family history was, it brought back so many happy wonderful memories including the photo below which is so symbolic of the relationship I had with my grandma. It was so great to feel so close to her x.

The rest of the afternoon we went for a cruise along the Kapiti Coast which was amazing, then stopped in briefly for a play at a skate park and had a quick shoot at the beach across from the apartments where we were staying. The weather really has been amazing. We've been so lucky!

I'm wearing my favourite Aussie flanny with a tee I bought from an op shop I altered. The coolest thing about this shirt is it glows in the dark. I love this shirt! Denim skinniest and my new suede laser cut booties.

Me with Grandma and Nicky at Aotea Lagoon, Porirua

Tank | DIY found at St Vincent De Paul
Flanny | Lowes
Skinny Jeans | Supre
Booties | KMart




March 10, 2014

MY WELLINGTON TRAVEL JOURNAL - DAY 1

It's been almost 3 years since I was last in Wellington which sadly wasn't for joyous occasions. Today I flew in to one of the most glorious days the windy city I've seen in many years of visits.

Crystal clear skies and a light fresh breeze, the landscape flying in was incredible.

I had the most amazing view of the  the last of the snow capped Kaikoura Ranges and it reminded me of how beautiful New Zealand really is and how much I missed the country side.

My travel wear was simple and comfortable with my ruby red slippers (symbolic of course - "there's no place like home"). Absolutely love the bomber, the light fleece was perfect for the air conditioning in the aircraft and gives an edgy preppy look to my speckled harem Bonds trackies. 

After landing in Wellington, a drive up the coast to Paraparumu Beach up the Kapiti Coast and it was time to catch up with some family a rest.

Can't wait for the rest of the week!

Bag | Givenchy
Bomber Jacket | KMart
Tee | Supre
Trackies | Bonds
Heels | Novo Shoes


March 6, 2014

BODYTRIM - TAKE 2


I'm writing this blog post after finishing the 3 day carb detox on the Bodytrim system.

See blog post HERE on my first attempt. Sadly, I only made it past the Carb Detox phase.

My partner and I decided to give it another go, after I didn't do particularly well the first time. Weight loss, much like smoking is something you need to be ready for, both mentally and physically. And it usually takes a few attempts.

I've been somewhat unstable recently, can't put it down to any one thing in particular, but I'll be talking about that in another post.

My lithium intake has increased and in doing so, so has my weight (for more info you can read blog post HERE), and I feel like shit. I haven't been able to look at myself naked in the mirror which of course has had an adverse affect on my mental state. So it was time to at least try and make a change, even though I've tried everything else in the past and it hadn't worked. But hey, I work so hard to be well, I'm a fighter.  And, you know what they say healthy body, healthy mind.

This time, I knew if I was to succeed, I needed help. I couldn't do it on my own, much like a lot of things in my life. So with my partner acknowledging he needed to lose a few kg too, we made a commitment to do it together. All in.

So 3 days of meat and eggs and I've lost 4kgs. I'm so proud of myself, and swapping from Coke to Coke Zero was easier than I thought.

So on Day 4, the weight loss phase now starts and I got to enjoy a slice of soy linseed toast this morning and bring in vegetables and salad for lunch and dinner. I'm excited.

There's hope for me yet! 

Bodytrim

March 4, 2014

BIG BOOB BONANZA - THANKS BIG W


There are very few occasions when having an "ample bosom" has its' advantages (especially when they're real). The majority of the time they just get in the bloody way!

Running is an absolute nightmare, not that that's something I partake in anyway, but on the odd occasion I have attempted it, it's been an extremely painful experience. I'm sure it's given any viewers a good ole laugh but no amount of duct tape could strap these puppies down to make me put on my runners and give it another shot.

Even trying to get into a comfortable position in bed to sleep requires at least a few seconds of shifting and adjusting so I don't suffocate, and to make sure things aren't squishing where they shouldn't be. Although, my boyfriend drifts off in a matter of seconds once he rests his weary head upon my two soft pillows of breast tissue, so at least one of us is getting a good night's sleep.

The worst thing about it all, is the shopping. To buy a bra, I can't just zip down to a chain store like KMart or Target and buy a cute lace set for under $30 like all you lucky A-D cup gals. It's a trip to a specialty store for me, then spending anywhere between $70 - $100 and coming home with ONE bra that may be oh-so-practical, but won't get the blood boiling and certainly can't be worn as outerwear.

So I was super excited to hear about the new collaboration between mega babe Annalise Braakensiek and BIG W to create affordable lingerie for size 10 - 16 DD - G women for as little as $19 with matching briefs for $9.

Too good to be true I thought at first, but the styles were sexy, comfortable and supportive - triple winner.

I'm sold, well done Annalise and well done BIG W!